02-22-2022
I’m going to preface this by saying I’ve been given more than I deserve. God has been faithful to me as I have not to him. The last few months have been nothing short of a dream, and no that’s not why I titled this as such, since August of last year. It’s as if I’ve been swept off my feet and carried beyond my own ability and understanding. Past fears, angers and animosities have seemed to all but fade away and faded rather quickly. Nothing short of a miracle. A sense of joy has filled my life alongside my sinful nature but not as a result of my sin but from the understanding that I have been forgiven of all I’ve ever done, do or will do — Damn, what a gift. Before this, I’ve written on a couple of occasions about dreams, both in the sense of goals and literal dreams themselves, and I’m here laying in bed because I want to process through a dream I had last night.
I’ve begun to grow closer with some new friends since my move to Tampa and my return to Church. I’ve made a handful of friends alongside the ones I had moving here that became friends somewhat against my will, others just naturally, but all of which have become near and dear to my life and my heart. I know without a doubt that these friends who I’ve known but a short amount of time are genuine and kind and I thoroughly enjoy spending time with and getting to know them. So thanks to the Lord for that.
Last night I had a nightmare. I haven’t had a nightmare in a while and I dream pretty often and its generally easy for me to remember the dreams I have within the first few days, so I wanted to write this down before I forgot too much about it. The dream in itself was pretty quick, I was on Bayshore Boulevard in Tampa. No cars were on the street and from the start (or what I remember as the start) of the dream there was someone chasing me. It was a person I didn’t recognize, but in the dream I was scared, running not for my life but in fear of something, only in fear of what or who was after me. I ran for a few short moments away from it and turned to see a few of these new friends I just mentioned running beside me to stop me. They all grabbed me pretty quickly, not in an aggressive sense but as if they came to help. I stood there with them, their hands touching my arms and shoulders asking if I was ok and why I was freaking out. All the while I could still see this person from the start running towards me. Pretty quickly I realized that they couldn’t see that what was chasing me. As the person chasing me got closer my fear grew and I fell to the ground. I screamed and cried but my friends couldn’t see them. My friends came to the ground with me, surrounding me and holding me as I cowered in fear before them, that who was chasing me reached the edge of the circle my friends had made, looked at me, then disappeared. It was then when I woke up.
It was about 3:20am when I woke up and my initial thought was, “That was strange.” — But something about it all comforted me. Now you don’t have to look at that dream in any kind of philosophical sense, and I could just discount it as a result of spending a lot of time with them over the last few days/weeks alongside my lack of sleep. But this big part of me wants to believe that this dream was some way of the Lord telling me that they’re here for me and I, subsequently, for them. A notion that says, no matter what or who is after me, what I’m going through or am fearful of won’t come without a faithful and caring community beside me. That could be a corny take but a community like this is what I’ve wanted and prayed so long for. I know it won’t come without its difficulties and I’ve been blessed in the past with communities, but none have been like this. This one is special and God please don’t let me screw this one up.
That’s all I have for now, have a great Tuesday.