Sophomore year of high school is a blur at this point. Not much happened, though it was also the year Mom and Dad bought their first house in Brevard, NC. A fixer-upper they bought either for their mid-life crises or just out of boredom, maybe both. Either way, my sister and I quickly found ourselves at the house multiple times a month doing work with/for them. Some pretty basic renovation work like tearing down walls, scraping wallpaper, and putting new hardwood floors and ceilings in the house became the mood of that year. Once the home was relatively presentable, my sister started inviting her friends up. Which is when I became better friends with two guys from my school “W” and “L”.
A package deal of best friends, they held kind and fun personalities. W was the younger brother of my sisters friend and you would typically find L with him. I’m not sure how they became friends but they stuck together. W was the mature one who typically got nervous whenever we started doing stupid and dangerous things. L was a child in a teenagers body. Always laughing and making fun out of anything he did. L was the fun soul of the two and they paired like Yin and Yang. It wasn’t long after the three of us became friends that W brought me along to his small group in church. Another group of more popular kids, most of which were from different schools. I enjoyed being in that group a lot. I was still heavily active in Young Life and in that small group, called Forge, so the two went together very well when it came to my walk with Christ.
Around this time is when my friends and I started driving. Summer 2014 was a lonely one and I spent a majority of my time in Brevard working on the house and fishing in the neighborhood. But just before summer vacation started I made a slick move and got S to go out to lunch with me. A nice little family owned restaurant, I paid on a whim and she was pleasantly surprised. I dropped her at home and everything was great til her stepdad answered the door, it scared the shit out of me. It’s funny because nothing was wrong, I was just instinctually afraid of the man. But it was a nice time even though she and I didn’t talk until the end of the summer.
That same summer I had been chosen to be a part of the school districts team to implement iPads into the school workplace. iSchool is what it was called. Training took a few weeks and I made friends with a handful of kids from other schools. One girl and I talked that summer but I never made any moves. I forget her name, though I think she’s married now. Another girl, named Jade, was part of another schools team. She and I became good friends later on. Long story short, the iSchool program was a joke. We all figured out ways to disable the security locks on the iPads within the first few weeks of school. But Junior year bro, that shit was wack…
The start of Junior year was fast. J got campaigners started back up and we hosted at my house. Young Life was back better than ever and was being hosted at the local Golf Course since second semester of Sophomore year. I was also becoming closer with the group of guys in Forge. One in particular, Blake, was someone I got a lot closer to. Me, Blake, W and L became a close group that did most everything together. Blake was the daredevil of the group. He’d ridden his first dirtbike at 2 and had been full-sending it since. He and I vibed well, mainly from the fact he and I could keep up with one another when it came to cars and also because this is when I was regularly experimenting with over the counter drugs. Blake was an on and off stoner and nobody knew about my drug activity, but I think there was some kind of unspoken attitude between us. It was probably because both of us had a little emptiness we were trying to fill but didn’t really know how. Whatever it was, Junior year was quite the time.
The obvious embarrassing piece at the beginning of Junior year was S. For some reason I’d just forgotten to talk to her over summer, she was rightfully upset about that. So nothing had come out of our impromptu date at the end of Sophomore year. Fortunately, we had the same friends, so we still saw plenty of each other. At the time the TV show “The Walking Dead” was at its prime and W, along with our other friend “C”, wanted to start getting friends together every week to watch new episodes when they dropped. The normal group was W, L, C, “R” and S; I joined a few episodes into the season and Blake would occasionally join us. R was another girl in our grade, the daughter of the varsity baseball coach and heart sparkle of W (they’re married now). She was the nicest and most gentle of the group.
That first semester I started my Mechatronics class at the Career Center, otherwise known as CTC. Blake took auto-tech there too so he and I would ride together on occasion, even though we went to different schools. This time of my life was one of the happiest and most peaceful I can remember. Where I’d stayed in the Word consistently, had no worries about girls/relationships, and was genuinely happy. This part of my life is where I started to have a true love for creating and maintaining relationships with people. I loved to sit and listen to my friends talk. Wether it was about good things going on in their lives, fun things, bad things or just random thoughts, I was there to listen. I especially loved meeting new people. It became a special kind of talent and with everyone I met, I made it a personal goal to get to know them as well as I could. I consistently kept up with them if possible. I think I became this way because there was this subconscious part of me that wanted so desperately for someone to do the same for me, I wanted what I was giving out to be reciprocated. My life at the time was a steady walk with Christ and was a social testament to what I believed and knew in my heart to be true. I treated others the way I wished to be treated and I hoped I could fill some of the empty spaces in my heart by trying to fill theirs first. This of course was a job I could never accomplish on my own. But at the time, nobody could’ve convinced me otherwise.
Mine and S’s relationship hadn’t gone anywhere all year. That is until the time for semi-formal came around. Semi-formal was our version of the homecoming dance, it happened right before Christmas break and was a yearly event. And this year I figured I’d ask her to go. Now I admit I didn’t do it in the best way, I asked her in person just after she had lost the school pageant but she met me with a hesitant “yes” anyways. Later that night she made sure to tell me that she only said yes to not embarrass me in front of my friends but would still go anyways.
For semiformal, we were set to go to dinner with a big group of friends before with an afterparty at L’s house. As far as semiformal goes, it went well. Dinner before was fine and the dance was as you’d expect a high school dance to be… awkward and sweaty. The afterparty was in L’s home theater. About 20 of us in that room which made seating tight. I sat in the seat I normally would at L’s and up outta nowhere S decides to snuggle in next to me in this little ole recliner. We fit just fine. But BOI! Little 16 year old me was having a mental freak out. Because if you didn’t already notice, your boy had been locked in the friend zone since freshman year. We watched Step Brothers and I couldn’t have told you a thing about the movie after. All we did was a little cuddling and hand holding but to me, who’d barely hugged a girl in my life, it was the best thing that could’ve happened. After the movie I drove her and a few other girls to C’s house where they were staying that night. The sky was cloudless with a full moon. I remember the car thermostat reading “19” and boy was it right. But I dropped her and the girls off expecting a good night kiss or something. I got out to help get her things where she thanked me for the night but told me that we were still just friends. So my ass got in the Jeep and floored it back to L’s where the boys were waiting fervently. They were distraught when I returned and heard what happened, I almost fought the twins because one was constantly pestering me and asking about it. We took a solid loss that night.
Fortunately though, that’s not where mine and S’s story ends. That next week was the start of Christmas break and even though she’d friendzoned me again, I still texted her. I could obviously tell she was uninterested but I was determined. It was just before Christmas and she and I were having a conversation about our futures and goals, dream jobs, vacations and whatnot. And in a space of vulnerability I spilled my heart on those topics and at some point, not sure exactly where, she changed her mind. I think after she saw past the 16 year old idiot, she saw something she liked. Whatever it was, she was adamant in telling me her feelings. So from then we set a date for December 27th. But irony struck and that day, L accidentally ran over his puppy… yes, his puppy. L’s mom called C saying he needed a pick-me-up so C, S and I went and bought a cookie cake for him after scratching our date plans. S had known I’d never kissed anyone and even made a few jokes about it. I knew that it was coming soon but not that night. After taking C back I drove S home. We got to her house and we walked to her door. I argued with myself in my head going back and fourth saying, “Should I? Shouldn’t I? Do it! Don’t do it!” — All of this ran thru my head up until we made it to her door. She started fumbling her keys and that’s when it hit me. I knew from the movies that was the sign. But really! It’s only like 9:30/10PM who the hell is locking the door on their high-school daughter? Of course it was my sign! But I think I took a little too long because she just looked at me after a second and went in for it. It was a firework moment but also the worst kiss ever since I had no idea how that was supposed to work. Nevertheless, it was a moment to remember and brings joy anytime I tell the story. A few days later we had a new years party to go to, I picked her up for it and we’d agreed to not kiss in front of everyone when the ball dropped because it would’ve been weird around our friends. After the ball dropped I was supposed to drive to my church for a lock-in because I’d promised my lifelong best friend, Jack, that I wouldn’t leave him hanging there. Both S and I walked out to the car so she could get her things since the girls were spending the night at that house. I was expecting a chance for a new years kiss but before I knew it she’d grabbed her stuff and gone inside, leaving me hanging. I drove to my church where Jack was waiting at the door. He knew all about the situation with S and I and asked if I got a new years kiss. I told him, “no” and he was surprisingly upset. His reaction prompted me to turn my ass around, get back in the car and floor it back to where she was. I called her to meet me outside and said nothing else til I got there. She met me outside under the streetlight and with no words I grabbed her and gave her that new years kiss. This one was much better than the first. We laughed and said goodnight, I got back in the car and did 110 back to the church where Jack was waiting with a silent and proud high-five.
This time of my life, the feelings I had and feelings I felt, is one I’ll remember for the rest of my life. I loved the Lord wholeheartedly, my heart was happy and wether or not it was feelings for S or my first encounter with some kind of romantic emotion, I’ll cherish it as long as I can. And I’d give up everything I have today to have feeling like that again.